Video That Says Weve Lost the Art of Scripture
It's kind of an open secret that most Christians haven't read the Bible. Despite polls showing that 92% of Americans agree with the statement "Every discussion in the Bible is as true as the Bible, and also this poll wasn't merely made up past a guy who needed a quote for his lede," most people acceptliterally no ideawhat the Bible actually says.
This sort of ignorance has no place in our modernistic, civilized era of #reason.And the truth is, your church isdrastic to keep it that manner,which is why at that place aren't a thousand dumbed-downward English translations of the Bible floating around out at that place. Your pastor doesn'twantyou to read the Bible, because if you did you lot'd realize it's full of verses that arepatently falseand toocompletely contradict modern values,which are plain the correct values, because they're the modern ones.
Similar what? Well, hither are just a few . . .
James 1:22
The verse: "But be ye doers of the word, and non hearers only, deceiving your own selves."
Why your pastor doesn't want you lot to know nigh it:Because it sayscorrect there,if you hear the give-and-take, you're deceiving yourself.Even the Bible admits that it'south full of lies.I have no idea why the Bible would admit something like that, merely I judge those B ronze-Historic period goatherderswho wrote it just didn't know whatsoever better, presumably considering they didn't have #scientific discipline and #reason.
As well, in our sophisticated, modern era, we now know that "ye" isn't actually a real word.
Colossians 3:11
The verse: "Where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision nor uncircumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, bond nor costless: but Christ is all, and in all."
Why your pastor doesn't want you to know almost it:The Bible teaches that "there is neither Greek nor Jew," just mod scientific discipline has proven the existence ofbothGreeksandJews. But abigotwould deny the being of Greeks and Jews, merely that'southwardexactly what Bible-thumpers want you lot to do.This sort of ignorance has no place in our modern, civilized era of #reason.
Psalm 100:4
The verse: "Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name."
Why your pastor doesn't want you to know about it:This poesy, supposedly written around 1,000 B.C., directly references Thanksgiving,even though Abraham Lincoln wouldn't invent Thanksgiving for another three,000 years.
That is, bold Abraham Lincoln ever evenexisted. Can't wait to watch the fundies squirm as they try to explicate this one.
Exodus 20:13-xiv
The poetry: "K shalt not kill. Thou shalt not commit adultery."
Why your pastor doesn't want you to know nearly it:Am I the just one noticing that these two verses areloaded with sex and violence? Crack the Bible open here, and your pastor'south manipulation is exposed: the Bible is a "moral" volume, huh? Well, I recall I could teach those OT barbarians a thing or 2 almost #reason, simply equally presently as I terminate watchingGame of Thrones.
Past myself.
In the dark.
Because I savour its intriguing storyline.
Matthew 12:22
The verse: "Then was brought unto him one possessed with a devil, bullheaded, and impaired: and he healed him, insomuch that the bullheaded and dumb both spake and saw."
Why your pastor doesn't want you to know about information technology:The Bible wants you to believe the past tense form of "speak" is "spake," merelymodern science has proven that it's "spoke."The weight of biblical inaccuracies is piling upward, and we're just getting started. Your pastor knows that if you found out about it,your religion would come crashing downwards like a house of cards, and not even the Kevin-Spacey-with-a-ridiculously-simulated-accent kind.
Mark fifteen:37
The verse: " And Jesus cried with a loud voice, and gave up the ghost."
Why your pastor doesn't want you to know about it: Because, wait,Jesus had a pet ghost? And then he was forced to give it upwardly? Why doesn't your church ever mentionthatwhen they're telling you the story of Jesus? I hateful, I'm just spitballing here, but could it mayhap be considering ofa vast conspiracy to comprehend up the truth because the Church finds it threatening and also Leonardo daVinci was probably involved somehow???
Galatians 5:fourteen
The verse: "For all the law is fulfilled in 1 word, fifty-fifty in this; Yard shalt dear thy neighbour as thyself."
Why your pastor doesn't want you to know near it:Becausethat is clearly seven words.We all know that Bible-thumpers have trouble with numbers (the earth is ten,000 years onetime? really?), but on this one, the writers of scripture are way behind the times. Even the ancient Babylonians knew a little something about mathematics; perhaps that'south why Jeremiah was then keen on Babylon's devastation. Evidently these fanatical Bible defenders are aught new; they accept always gone to farthermost lengths in ducking #scientific discipline and #reason.
Ecclesiastes 1:two
The poesy: "Vanity of vanities, saith the Preacher, vanity of vanities; all is vanity."
Why your pastor doesn't want yous to know about information technology:Because this is merely one more than of themanyplaces that the Bible isriddledwith errors. It clearly says "all is vanity," yet a quick trip to IKEA exposes that foolishness, stocked every bit it is with a diversity of dressers and nightstands. Human, this is easy. The Bible's days of authority and privilege are conspicuously numbered.
Amos iii:7
The verse: "Surely the Lord GOD will do nix, but he revealeth his hugger-mugger unto his servants the prophets."
Why your pastor doesn't want yous to know well-nigh information technology:Your pastor wants you to believe that God is all-powerful, buteven the Bible conspicuously says, "God will do nothing." Truthful, yes, but devastating for Christianity.
And so, checkmate,Holy Rollers. You all are just lucky someone was hither to read the Bible for you and tell you what to think about it before your church was able to brainwash you. As the saying goes,the #truth has set you lot gratis.
Wish I could remember where I read that.
Source: https://christandpopculture.com/ten-shocking-bible-verses-pastor-doesnt-want-know/
This is gold.
LOL This is the dumbest affair I've read all day. You're a real theologian, dude. Yous should read the whole thing, in context, before you try to proof text your fashion through a weblog postal service that shows your ignorance. Good golly.
Dude. It'southward satire. You need a sense of humor transplant.
Ummm…You're satirizing the satire, right? OK, just checking :) .
You should learn the definition. Of sarcasm and humor writer
This is a joke, correct? Because I have read the Bible multiple times (over 30) and can say with all the assurance in the globe that this is either an attempt at sense of humour, or then misguided as to be pitiable.
It's total satire.
for the record stop taking the bible out of context, im non gonna let you lot defame my GOD wthout even reading the whole passage. Practise your research man GOD's word doesnt prevarication. if you lot wanna argue this email me
It's satire. A joke.
This is obvious satire, people. Practice you think a Christian website would post something like this if it wasn't?
I approximate to be a humor writer information technology doesn't require you lot to exist humorous yourself.
It's SATIRE, folks. His point is that critics endeavour to tear down the Bible in shockingly ignorant means, so he tried to create arguments that are so shockingly ignorant that no 1 could possible believe them. But I guess the terminal role didn't succeed likewise as he hoped…
I call up the net killed whatsoever notion almost people accept of satire. There are so many dumb people saying and so many dumb things on the internet, it'southward basically incommunicable any more to say something so impaired everyone realizes it's satire. I'1000 an English teacher and virtually all of my students retrieve Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal" is written sincerely even after they've been specifically told "this is satire."
That all said, this comment thread is much, much funnier than the article itself, and so I'm certainly not complaining.
I understand this is supposed to be humorous, but this is quit perhaps THE about ignorant piece I've e'er read. I'chiliad very distressing that someone I know posted it. Stupid!
Quit possibly.
My Lord in Heaven this shouldn't fifty-fifty be dignified in existence by beingness chosen a satire. It'due south not even clever to be sattire. These verses can easily exist explained and some are even taken out of context. Again I know some of you say it's a satire, but it's not fifty-fifty tthat much
I recall it's hilarious, he starts out maxim no one really reads the bible, and is poking fun at the idea of pastors are telling you what to believe and to recall for yourself…basically. Then takes ALL of the versus out of context (on purpose by the way) and pulls ridulouse conclusions using hyperbaly for daze. Anyone seen southpark? Then he concludes with sayIing your luckily you lot had someone to read the bible for you, furthering his original point of Christians not reading the bible and listening to someone at face up value. Then concludes with paraphrased bible verse and doesn't knownwhere he heard it. Haha I idea it was fun. I'thou a Christian and honey God and I think information technology's pretty funny….
Well washed, sir.
Proficient zingers, Luke. And, aye, either half the comments are satirical, or there's a lot of "non getting the joke" going on out there. More than I thought.
Oh, and the reason folks have trouble catching that "A Modest Proposal" is satire is that they are completely ignorant of the original situation. GIven even rudimentary understanding of history, they'll see it. But when Swift might as well be Heraclitus to them, and when the sugar in Lucky Charms is their idea of Irish troubles, well, fuhgeddaboutit.
Good guess, but no. The students I mentioned not getting Swift'due south writing are given a brief biography of Swift, a description of the Irish'southward situation, likewise as an caption of satire and how Swift uses satire in his writing before they even showtime to read it, and then just before the terminal few paragraphs are told "Pay close attention to paragraph 29. This is where Swift lays out his real plan for how to assist Ireland." They're notwithstanding oblivious.
Also, given how few people see satire when it's applied to events or situations contemporary to them…
Thanks for the shout out to the Alincolnist community, we actually need to spread the word almost this topic that we care goose egg well-nigh. #science #reason #pedagogy
My gracious the comments are funny (admitting unintentionally)! Even after people keep proverb "This is satire" folks eep ripping into it. My conviction defending Christians having a humour is a fleck shaken at the moment. Funny article! (And intentionally so.)
I tin live with the satire. The author's bio concerns me when I read that he is "currently working on 'HOLY SH*T! The Dirtiest Bits in the Bible'…." Not even satire is a legitimate excuse for using vulgarity. Consider Eph iv:29 – "Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths…."
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